The best ideas rarely begin with the pursuit of a great idea. Often, they start when a problem squeezes you so tight that you have no choice but to fight your way out.
Loneliness almost crushed me… twice.
Both times, I was the new girl in town. The first time loneliness tried to kill me was when I moved away for college. The beauty of college is that everyone is new and motivated to connect with other new people. Somewhere along the way, I found a couple of girls, and we settled into a routine lunch at Mellow Mushroom on Fridays. It wasn't intentional…but maybe we all needed something to look forward to. Each week, we would pull out our checkbooks and ooh and aah over new cutesy designs we ordered by the box and wrote our check for $3.96: the cost of one slice of pepperoni and a diet coke (because, balance) and a $1 tip.
The second time loneliness came for me was when I left the magical oasis of college life and settled into a new town. This experience was much different. This time, most of the people I met had grown up here, which means they already had friends. I wasn't rejected, but when you've never been lonely, maybe you don't even think about including the new girl in your circle.
The thing that tries to kill you can be the catalyst that leads to your purpose--you just have to get creative.
I didn't recognize the importance of pizza on Fridays until I was lonely and had nothing to look forward to. I don't remember the first person I asked to lunch, but once I shifted to the Mellow Mushroom in my new town, I started asking anyone I met to join me.
Before long, I discovered a fantastic group….military wives. They are great at making fast friends because they move every few years. Before long, my loneliness had grown into a group that needed the back room. There have been seasons when we regularly had 20+ people show up on Fridays. Servers became friends and, in many ways, part of our regulars. It was chaos--babies crying, parents visiting, new people to meet. Each year, the vibe changes. Each week, there are regulars and newbies.
If you're lonely or new to town, I'm at Mellow Mushroom most Fridays at 12:30 in the back. Everyone is invited. Nobody has to be lonely on my watch. I want to be your friend. You can meet people who showed up because they want new friends. Nobody is particular about it being a perfect match. Do you like pizza? You'll fit in just fine. We even let people who order salads sit at our table.
One thing we have in common is that we all experience hard feelings and have a choice in how we handle them. The best option is to be intentional and creatively grow from those challenges. Because I experienced the heaviness of loneliness, I feel compassion for others who may be unsure how to connect with new friends... and I love pizza.
Honestly, we overcomplicate things. I simply show up. I make it known there's a space for you at my table. Is it awkward? Sometimes, but not usually. People come and go; some stay longer than others. There's no pressure or expectation. For almost 30 years and probably 30 lbs, I have offered a bridge to friendship and something to look forward to each week.
I challenge you to start your own "Mellow Mushroom" group. Pick something you love, then open the invitation. I want to live in a world where nobody sits alone.
How many of you have been part of my Mellow Mushroom family? Drop the pizza emoji—better yet, tell me your MM story.
I’m going to make it there one Friday! 🍕