**The next few blogs will be resharing my experience at the beginning of Covid, using the fifth anniversary as a nudge to remember..."
We were in Zambia, eating pizza, as word kept coming in about how the coronavirus was affecting everything around us. Our Rwandan pastor, Jean, was sharing new pieces of his story with me about the time he lived in Zambia when he nudged me to look at Jessica and our new Zambian friend, Eliza. They sat in the middle of an outdoor restaurant, holding hands, tears flowing, life-altering conversations happening. The world was falling apart, but in that moment, they had the insight to see what was the more important.
I know Jess. I have watched her pour into countless lives over the years, and Eliza was no different. We had met them only a few days prior. We are from entirely different cultures. We haven't experienced many similarities in this life, except we love Jesus and have surrendered our lives to follow Him. That bond overcomes so many other differences. Jean and I smiled knowingly at each other. This moment was ordained, an appointment the Lord made for Jess to speak life into a mighty warrior. Tears were not a sign of weakness but a broken heart tender to the Lord. Both of these women are gifted and strong. Both need encouragement and a safe place to talk out big dreams, big decisions, and big feelings.
I snapped a picture of their hands, not as a photo op, not as a 'look the Americans showed up and saved the day.' This is a testimony of the boundless resources God unleashes to fill His child's heart with worth and life-changing encouragement.
He has done insane things to show me His love over the years. In that moment, I saw His light shine on Eliza and pour out affirmation after affirmation of His love and His plan for her and her ministry.
He has this level of passion for each of us. Here's the thing...What if we had let the fear of what actually did become a worldwide pandemic keep us from going? What if Jess had been so focused on making sure our team was super safe and had a million plans in place that she missed the need of the human in front of her? His love for Eliza wouldn't have changed one bit. His calling wouldn't have either. The difference is that Jess would have missed her purpose that night. I wonder how many people are going about their lives desperately waiting for the messenger God wants to speak through to show up? I wonder if we have gotten so caught up in the wrong noise that we have missed those nudges? His whisper is gentle and quiet. He expects us to be good listeners.
Our nation is in chaos. The noise is so loud. I keep wondering why it had to come to this. Where along the way did we miss our calling? When did we ignore His nudges to build relationships? Why is the church still the most segregated space on Sunday? What opportunities along the way did we miss? What would happen if we repent and beg Him to give us another chance? He is really good at offering surrendered hearts second chances.
Since this moment happened in Africa, I have reflected on how far we have all come. When we went on our first trip in 2009, it was polite and awkward. We did ministry together, but at meals, we sat together as Americans; the Africans sat at the other end of the table and spoke in Kinyarwandan. We missed the mark in a lot of ways that trip. I know this because 11 years later, we laugh a whole lot about it. Jean has now told us how horrible some of the things we did played out on his end. One of my life goals is to do the hard work so that my relationships have that level of authenticity: the kind you have to earn. Jean has been my pastor and mentor in so many ways, but a significant one is when he pushes me to take relationships deeper. He models it and calls me on it if I'm missing a moment.
I have learned that it's ok if it starts out awkward. It's ok if you screw some things up. What's not ok is to let that keep you from showing up and trying. It doesn't happen overnight, but my relationships with people who weren't the obvious, easy choice are some of my life-giving. I have decided to put myself out there and do my part to take relationships deeper. Even if I get it wrong, at least I chose to love enough to try. It's humbling, and it's exciting. It's awkward, and it's thrilling. It's the tension of doing a new thing. Cultural differences don't have to be scary; they can be fun, they can open your eyes and blow your mind, and they can break your heart. The key is to begin motivated by love, not guilt or some agenda. Do I love the human enough to go there? Don't think about groups. That can get super overwhelming. Think about the human that's in your path. Start each morning praying for wisdom about what God has in store for the day, then be brave!
**prints of the painting "Earning the Right to Hold Hands" is available here
