Awkward, Secret Love Dance

This week our plates feel like they are spilling over.  I could list everything; it would shock and overwhelm some people, while others would say, "oh, you should hear MY week…." it isn't a contest, so I will say:  whatever size our family plate may be, it doesn't feel like it's quite big enough for our yeses this week.  The tipping point is that after 15 years, we are redoing Asher's room.

 

*Psychologically prepare for a blog on the horizon that will cause eye leakage. *

 

We finally sat on the couch about 10:30 a few nights ago, and I looked at Brad:  "I don't have the bandwidth for Valentine's.  I know when I see social media posts of romantic days, I will regret this, but let's just not this year.  I don't have amazing gift ideas.  I don't have the house decorated.  I don't have the energy.  Let's give ourselves a break this year."  It was a fast yes because he is the kind of man who LOVES when we don't succumb to the pressure holidays.

 

This morning, I walked into our kitchen after he gifted me 15 extra sleeping minutes to this scene.  Love overflowed from my heart.  One kid was still in bed with strep cooties; one was frantically fixing her lunch.  His hair was crazy, and he was still in pjs, shoveling breakfast in at the kitchen counter because the other side of our kitchen is full of 15 years of Asher's life.  Paint supplies are drying by the sink, and everybody is late.  Selah didn't study for her test, so he calls out questions while a pot of my favorite grits are warming on the stove.

 

It struck me in the feels…. I've never felt more love for this man. 

 

I picked up his leftover can of coke from yesterday, and he made my coffee.  He will clean my hair from the shower drain, and I will fold both our laundry.  Our dance this Valentine's is nothing like the movies.  Disney wouldn't animate our life.  Our dance is teamwork.  Our dance is selfless.  Our dance is smooth despite the chaos around us.  It is known and well-rehearsed.  It's foreign, awkward, and unknown to literally everyone else because it's our secret love dance

 

Sure, true love is how you navigate the highs and lows, but more often, it's the middle.  It is a choice to ignore some things and love anyway.  It's knowing that every time he takes out the garbage, he puts the bathroom trash can in front of the toilet {for some strange reason}.  So every time, I pick it up and put it where it goes.  Why would I get mad about running the finishing a leg of a chore?  It's our dance. 

 

It's seeing when the other one is running out of gas and gently knocking them out of the way to finish washing the dishes that night.  It's bringing home a coke from the Circle K. It's dragging me outside to play cards when the house is a dumpster fire because you both really love playing cards outside, and life will never be finished enough to sit unless one of you just decides to.  It's eating supper at 8 because after work is our favorite time to hang out. 

 

It's a million underwhelming moments in the middle--that's where true love grows.

 

It's being thoughtful and kind to each other.  It's choosing not to be offended.  It's laughing.  It's inside jokes and random pranks.  It's praying for each other and being curious about their heart.

 

I wish I could sit with everyone on the edge of a new marriage and help them dream.  I wish I could share the things we have screwed up so you can avoid them.  I wish I could look you in your eyes and tell you to fight for it because it is worth every drop of the energy it takes to win.

 

I want to encourage you if your marriage doesn't feel worth the fight.  I wish we could dream of creative ways to make it better.  I wish you could see that true love happens when you tell the chaos to take a backseat and that those moments offer the ideal opportunity for the good in your spouse to glow.  I desperately want to convince you to look for the treasures in the one you vowed to love.  I want to knock you towards being their biggest fan, their encourager.  I want to scream from the rooftop, "water what you want to grow!!!" 

 

                                Valentine's is a perfect day to reset.

 

It's the perfect chance to be vulnerable with your love.  It doesn't have to be perfect--it's best when it's not perfect.  No pressure, no comparison; just dance your awkward, secret love dance.